The weekend whizzed past all too quickly and I genuinely am not sure quite what we did. Yesterday I went to the plant fair which turned out to be not quite what we expected. However I bought some useful plants. My husband and I have had a couple of honest conversations about how we are doing.
I think it would be fair to say that we are both feeling blue. Talking about feelings is always difficult. The pandemic has put such added pressures on our lives, I find it difficult to recognise the differences between the stresses that are created by the pandemic and those that are part of our lives as a result of moving countries and trying to start businesses. My husband is definitely struggling at the moment; he has family members that we are worried about, whom he cannot get to see. I worry about him because Brittany has always been more my dream than his, though there are aspects of life here that he really likes Unfortunately at the moment we are unable to access those benefits. There is plenty of research evidence that demonstrates that men’s mental well-being is often a more worrying issue than women’s. Women engage in conversations, men don’t. Whilst I want to focus on women’s lives in this blog; we usually have men around us; husbands, partners, fathers and sons. The lives that they are living and what affects them in turn can affect us. At the moment I do not know how my husband can be helped to feel better. Some of the issues that face us are the fact that; we are not making the progress that we would like with the house that we live in and if we are really honest we are exhausted. The positive I would like to take from this though is that we are talking to each other and trying to find a way through.
My husband does take comfort from the garden and growing things. We will soon be eating spinach and radishes. I think we may have a few too many beans! At the plant fair I bought a camelia to go outside the gite, I felt that the name was particularly appropriate: fairy blush. I found an exceedingly cheap hebe that will fill a space and some bedding plants to help keep our pots looking attractive.
I finished re-working the hat and whilst it remains a little large on me I think that it is a more sensible size. I have also nearly finished a 2nd one in a child’s size. So progress continues and hopefully the week after next I will be able to return to market.
So how do you find the positives in life? How to you get the men in your life to address issues surrounding their mental health?
Tales from the Sheshed France 
Powerful and thank you for sharing.
We have both found gardening our release, yes more mine at first but quickly became his too.
He is learning about vegetables and succession planting so we don’t end up having a glut that fills the freezer, but this is all for the love of gardening.
We took a huge decision to keep the house garden as a flowering garden and small veg plot and have just become allotmenteers!
New summerhouse constructed and greenhouse too, all in one week.
We both need a community beyond our four walls and I have quickly learnt that he needs it more than I, his passion and doing practical things with other men has enabled him to sleep better and we can talk more about ‘things’. Maybe about planting plans but our quiet time is much more peaceful; even after a couple of weeks and far more content.
I can’t see return comments off this site Zenna, but have posted for others to see too.
Be kind to yourselves and remember walk before you can run xxxx
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Thank you Kate for your kind words. It is interesting to hear how other men cope with mental health issues xxx
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Very powerful and very tender post Zenna.
I’ve said before; the bravery of moving country, setting up a business and renovating a property during a global pandemic is awesome!!!
SO the first thing I would say is: celebrate your achievements. It’s amazing what you have done together!
As for men and their emotional and mental well-being: I have never known a working class man who doesn’t suffer from the idea of masculinity! They need to earn, protect, and be the driving force of the household and keep everything going, to be in control! To feel like a ‘man’! Thats why they call it toxic masculinity! That’s changing very slowly and their emotional lives as fathers, sons, husbands are emerging and the world is changing profoundly and we are all becoming insecure and without firm ground to stand on and that’s a really complex mix!
You and Chris are two of the hardest working couples I know Zenna. You are both both incredibly talented too! You have raised two beautiful and talented men. You have done this together – and now you a building in a different direction, together, as long as you continue to support each other.
My ‘advice’ (to be shredded if inappropriate) is to try to loosen the desire for control of the future – and just build it GENTLY day by day. Learn to be kinder to yourselves
All crises pass – and everything you do today will build towards your future BUT the future can’t be DONE today – only today can be done today. Just do today!
SO: be kind to yourselves and each other and accept that life is like a wave that pushes forward and pulls back
SECOND: use your momentum on the forward roll and relax on the back tow (you cannot control it so relax and go with the tow)
THIRD: talk together about all that you have achieved together! Value it. Draw strength from it. Know that when you stood in dark places before; you moved into the light and will do again. Have faith that together you have achieved so much already and together you are strong
FOUR: Don’t adopt feral cats!
With love to you both as always- enjoy and value today 🤗🤗🤗🤗
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As always thank you for your comments and positive support. We didn’t think he was feral! However we will be very careful in future!
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