Our night was disturbed by the cat who spent much of the night miaowing. So the alarm was not welcome when it rang. We started with a trip for my husband to get a fasting blood test. At the moment he’s feeling less confident in speaking French, hence I needed to go with him.
On our return we had a cooked breakfast. It’s not something that we have very often however after a disturbed night and rushing out of the house first thing it was enjoyable to have the opportunity to sit down to one.
I have been reasonably up-front about the state of my mental health. What I have not previously said is that my husband has also had difficulties in this area. I don’t think he will mind me sharing that when he was first ill the doctor was concerned that he had sudden early onset dementia. This was an extremely frightening time for both of us. To an extent he wasn’t aware of what was happening at that point. Since that time he has recovered significantly; though he will say that he could not go back to the job that he previously did. He managed a team who undertook reactive property repairs across approximately 12000 houses for a social housing association. This was a pressurised job, not only did he have to be able to look at repairs and plan what would need doing, he also had to deal with the public as he and his team went in and out of their homes.
So whilst part of the reason for this blog is to consider issues of well being and is essentially aimed at women I wanted today to raise the issue of men’s mental health. It is a little discussed issue and yet more young men than young women commit suicide. I think that we need to be aware of the state of minds of the men in our lives and consider how they can be supported. I am aware that my husband is struggling a little at the moment. I know that I can’t sort out his state of mind; however I can provide some support for him to try to help. Interestingly as we speak our younger son is taking part in a sponsored 24 hour game-athon for Mind. Sorry I don’t think I can explain it better than that. I’ve included a link encase you wish to donate. https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fbit.ly%2FSmifullDonate%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR0IpWPnTNCZQ4qZXsW5U1CqXJVqeNheO1QyhxronQHd5KqC-NtK4OdhUkA&h=AT3fqpCETXX6Ko5q0tG-ocO701BrnZr7QtTDx3bx7cDLL6pGCOq_zCOD7f4BrfOQVurjgS1NLKL_z0Pa1IaltVuafi4hBzWyvhkETk0e5yx6znoTupW4GG4Mo2MqYCbrPoWjWw0UHnTxTvsqxQ&__tn__=-UK-R&c[0]=AT29GEa95vE0VGq6M6o8O0XNv9MSzVIYsiJtDrWEKsD8Lec0mh20myGiNOa5ss_Iz0_DbRxvlFCFMaJNA7QhwjmNTFblwjUL289BAliM2UN8QfELZ1_Pd2TK4tJch947QAe9ecLTfxJXj2G-N0J_Z78Grw
The world that we are living in at the moment has become pressurised and often 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. In the long term this cannot be good for anyone. I do hope that as a result of the pandemic and a greater focus on mental health that perhaps the ways in which people work and organise their lives may start to change. For the last decade that I was working there was regularly talk of work life balance, though I saw no evidence of it being supported in real terms and in a meaningful way. I hope that for my children that changes will occur so that in their 50’s they are not left feeling burnt out.
On a positive note I have almost finished the coatigan. I need to do the edging around the sleeves and sew in the label! I promise this is the last time that you will have to read about it!
So what concerns you about the mental health of those around you? Do you have ideas of how this can be made better?
Tales from the Sheshed France 
I wish I knew Zenna! I have watched you work SO hard for SO long in a system which just chews people up and spits them out. I also know Chris is a real grafter. Until people speak out, nothing is likely to change
Until we start to define what well-being looks like we are destined to continue the harm that the ‘machine’ does to us all. Because of sexism, it’s easier for women to speak about mental ill-health (because women are ‘weak’ and ‘emotional’ souls whose ‘hormones’ mess with them). Men on the other hand are supposed to have ‘broad shoulders’ and keep calm and carry on! When people are made vulnerable by a system that chews them up and spits them out – it’s the fault of the individual and the ‘system’ just churns on, unchanged!
The obvious truth is that people have become a commodity. Shape up or ship out! Discussions: I work 45 hours a week are met with the response ‘thats nothing! I work 60 hours a week. Nobody ever responds WHAT! That can’t be right!
Until we can establish a balance between living costs and incomes resulting from a reasonable workload – nothing can change
Until we learn to care for ourselves and each other – we are doomed to push people to places where their physical and mental well-being are trampled 🥲
WELL DONE HENRY – have made a modest contribution Good Luck Sue 🤗
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Thank you so much for your response. When Chris was ill was very frightening. At one point we had to take his car keys off him. Men’s mental health is something that so often goes undiscussed. You are right that we need to think about the hours people work and what people need to earn in order to live a reasonable quality of life. Positive mental health is something that we need to continue to discuss and ensure that remains on the political agenda.
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I’m sad to hear Chris is struggling at the moment and that you, yourself with your own struggles are his only real support here. Employers really don’t care about their employees at all. They utter some tat about what they can offer and support workers in some policy on a dusty shelf, but when it comes down to it, they have no interest whatsoever and the worker becomes a liability and ultimately as their sick time increases their value diminishes. It is similar in all professions. We have been led into a system of living that is based on growth. Not personal growth but financial growth. The lie being that we too can have a tiny piece of the enormous growth that the company we work for is amassing. It gives businesses the ” right” to exploit its workforce so that if they work harder they may get an extra pound a week in their wages. People bought into it and strived to have all the things that they desired. New cars, a better fridge, a new fancier wallpaper, even though what they had before was perfectly perfect. It’s the stick and carrot approach that people succumbed to willingly. We need to move away from profit driven lives and businesses. Profit is what is left over when all the staff have been payed, the business has had whatever investment needed and then the excess is profit. People run their lives in the same way. Always looking for the profit. That bit that when they have paid all their bills, heated their home, fed themselves and their family, they want excess. It comes at a cost, a massive cost. I decided that by the time I had children I would virtually give up work. I worked two jobs from 18-32. Worked all over the place, moved about and owned my house at 30. Then I stopped and decide to live a subsistence life. Retrained myself and put my time into meaning and sense of worth on a personal level. We all need to look after our mental health because the truth is that nobody else will. When it’s too late, people get thrown to the side. It’s so very sad.
It is hard being in a foreign country too where when you don’t speak the language fluently and have medical problems that require interaction it can be daunting. Especially at a time when you don’t have the strength to communicate. It is very hard to access mental health services as a foreign national here. They are extremely keen on medication. No peer support or a chat with mates can be even more isolating. For many who are here, it becomes a bottle that ends up the support. I have seen it so many times. Confidence begins to wain as the things we did independently in the UK we no longer do here. It’s a spiral. It’s part of the reason we are moving as I never saw myself getting old here or being a widow here. I realise the importance of language, especially when we need help and support. It really is a new way of life and the Winters are long and the country side is isolated. People find that they make ” friends” with those who live near then for no other reason than they are near. It’s a strange old existence that of an expat and certainly takes some getting used to. It’s been hard for you both moving here during covid and with everything limited around you even harder. It actually doesn’t get any easier but it becomes more familiar the longer you are here.
I hope Chris finds his groove and perhaps with better weather and more activity and social intervention he will feel better. It is something to consider though about the future. Living here is not for everyone and there is nothing wrong with that. Life is an experience and I am still learning at a rapid pace. Sending you both love. Xxx
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Thank you for your response. You are absolutely right that we all have to look after our mental health. Being here means that we don’t need as much money because we don’t have to pay a mortgage. We need life to be a little more normal. We’ll get there.
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It’s a difficult time now and I feel confident that it will get better. Living here is a strange thing. If it doesn’t send people to drink it makes then stronger. Spending so much time alone really does bring things to the fore and once you have felt the pain of it all it will give you a new perspective on things. Better days are coming, along with better weather. In a few weeks we’ll all be complaining about the heat ! Hahah. It is a particularly cold Spring this year though Zenna. Most years we are without the wood burner at this stage. Xx
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It may have made me unpopular at work and it definitely affected my prospects of promotion but I never sucked up to my employers, kept any work I did outside of paid time to being my choice and then as little as possible and constantly reminded my employers at the two last schools I worked at that I was not paid to work after hours. I made sure I did what I was paid to do in the time I was paid to do it but certainly didn’t allow any employers to exploit me. I never offered to take on anything extra, refused to do any clubs or activities after school and would leave a meeting after the hour was up. The young staff I worked with got wise very quickly and threw in the towel and left the profession in two years or less. I used to look around at my overly enthusiastic colleagues and knew they would burn out.
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That’s the problem. I remember at interviews whilst I was still teaching in schools, being asked what clubs I would be offering. It was a given that you did something. Let’s hope that for future generations things will change.
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