(Positive) Relationships interacting with others

Moving on through Perma we move to addressing positive relationships. We often think about relationships as being with our nearest and dearest ie our families and our close friends. In reality we have relationships with all of the people who we come into contact with on a regular basis. Sometimes that is only for a relatively short period of time. Each time we walk into a shop and engage with staff there, every time we ask someone to look at something in our home we are engaging in a relationship. We don’t always recognise that these are relationships, but they are. You only have to watch a programme on consumer affairs to see how negatively people can be affected by those around them who fail to engage with them positively.

Seligman, who first coined the acronym PERMA, acknowledged that as human beings, we are innately social beings. We enjoy developing relationships with each other. However, in order for us to live fulfilled lives, to feel happiness and well-being we need positive relationships in which we feel valued and cared for. It may be hard to believe but there is evidence that relationships not only support our brain function it can also support physical health too. When we feel cared for our bodies appear to function better and we become less prone to physical illness. My father-in-law who recently died, had a diagnosis of the cancer, that he ultimately succumbed to, 30 years before he died. He lived with cancer the whole time. It did not have a debilitating effect until the final year of his life. One of the things that has always struck me about my husband’s family is the way in which they are always there for each other and the ways in which they value what each other is able to bring to their relationships. I am certain that those positive relationships enabled him to live for so long.

Today I have been developing relationships with others in the role of a teacher. For many the mere mention of the word teacher can have them running for the hills. I have read before about how what happens in school can have such a profound effect on an individual that they continue to discuss it decades later. I was a teacher in schools and later in university and I hope that I have not had that effect on people. I hope that in my interactions with learners I have demonstrated a positive relationship.

Today was about teaching crochet. I really enjoyed the experience and I have certainly taken something from the experience. I didn’t know how many people would arrive before the session. We had four learners which was good. Two were complete novices whilst two had some experience. One of the novices had previously been on a weekend workshop and had not learnt to crochet. She also commented that there were people at the workshop whose attitude was prickly, they clearly looked down on some people who were participating. So, we can say that she didn’t arrive with high expectations. However, by the end of the afternoon she was crocheting. The other novice was really concerned that because she is left-handed that she wouldn’t be able to learn either. I am so thrilled that they are both able to do something and are developing some confidence in their skills.

All four women commented that they felt that my approach had been supportive and positive and that they had learnt something. I find it hard to understand how people can go to a creative session and be less than positive. For me part of the reason to be there is to be positive, to enjoy the session and to create something. It seems that today we were able to create a positive atmosphere and creativity prevailed!

I hope that you can have a creative weekend and that you engage in positive relationships with all those whom you encounter. Until Monday…